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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127985">Vanity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfectlyHopeless/pseuds/PerfectlyHopeless'>PerfectlyHopeless</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, post Vanilla - pre Trespasser</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:06:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26127985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfectlyHopeless/pseuds/PerfectlyHopeless</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We're all allowed a little bit of pride in ourselves and our appearances. And we're allowed to mourn the loss of the parts of ourselves we hold as precious, even if it seems silly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Inquisitor/Iron Bull, Female Lavellan &amp; Dorian Pavus, Iron Bull/Female Lavellan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Vanity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dragon finally fell still and the sand settled. Nan breathed heavy through her mouth, sweat dripping from her brow and into her eyes. She spat at the ground and she rested her face in her right palm, her shield heavy in her left. Though she hadn't dared to look, she could smell the foul vapors of burning hair and feel the lessened weight on her head.</p><p>It took everything in her to save her panic until they returned to camp. </p><p>Her heart jumped into her throat as she touched her once long brown hair, the braid it had been gathered in unrecognizable. Most of it was fried and twisted in on itself, the dragon's breath having scorched her. Her armor was scarred but intact. Her shield would need polishing. But her hair…</p><p>"Nan," Dorian said carefully as he came to her side. </p><p>"I'm okay," she lied. Dorian didn't say anything for a moment as she rolled a small clump of burned hair between her fingers. It all but disintegrated to ashes in her hand. She cringed, hard, seething audibly and her eyes closing tight.</p><p>He was quiet as she trembled, only glancing over at their companions as they set up for the night. The Iron Bull pitched tents while Sera put together a fire with what she could. Dorian placed a gentle hand between Nan’s shoulder blades. She didn’t pull away. “Come with me, I’ll help you get cleaned up.”</p><p>She nodded as she forced herself to relax enough to set down her arms, sword and shield sitting at the edge of the campsite. She didn't speak as she followed Dorian to the nearby oasis.</p><p>A small wisp hovered in the air between them, illuminating the space, as Nan took to the water. She stripped to her base layers, a cotton tunic and leggings, and began washing off the char on her gear and rinsing out her hair. The shortest pieces were at the base of her skull, the longest a chunk that remained at her waist. Nan held them in her hands, clenching her fists around the strands.</p><p>Dorian set his small travel pack down on a stone with a somewhat level surface and rummaged through it, his hand almost seeming to go further inside than possible. Nan raised a brow at him as he produced a folded razor. </p><p>“You carry that with you?” she asked as he and the light moved her way. She knew immediately what was to happen next.</p><p>He smiled. “Are you truly surprised?” </p><p>She finally smiled, laughing lightly at him and glancing between the razor and his well kept mustache and haircut. “No, I suppose not.”</p><p>They shared a moment of comfortable silence as he guided her to sit down on the rock. He carded through what remained of her hair, finding the shortest pieces. </p><p>“You know,” he began as he unfolded the little blade. “You don’t have to pretend around me.”</p><p>“I know,” she said, her hands fidgeting with the dragon’s tooth necklace just so that they had something to do. “It’s for me.”</p><p>Dorian took the long remnants of hair and dragged the blade over them, Nan wincing as he did so. “I admit I’m unfamiliar with your people’s traditions. How valuable is your hair?”</p><p>“Not at all,” she admitted. A few tears slipped down her cheeks. “There are some traditional hairstyles, some braids and decorations. But the length of it was always just a bit of vanity. I already stood out from my people, so…” She trailed off. “I think I was city born.”</p><p>He nodded as he set to work evening out the length, stepping in before her to make sure the front looked right. “You’ve mentioned that you were adopted.”</p><p>“The clan’s hunters found me in the forest while on patrol. I was too young to remember anything about it. But not being born Dalish sort of… well…”</p><p>“Even you keepers of history aren’t immune to prejudices,” Dorian elaborated. </p><p>Nan avoided nodding while he styled the cut pieces of hair. “Family, right?”</p><p>He chuckled. “Right.”</p><p>“I don’t know why I chose my hair,” she said, catching her nail against the metal filigree on the tooth that it made a little click. She did it again.</p><p>Dorian hummed. “It’s a defining feature, frames the face. And it’s remarkable how much you can tell about a person from how well maintained their hair is, regardless of status.” The razor scraped away at more of the awkward bulk. “I can’t imagine it was easy to maintain.”</p><p>“Creators, have you ever tried to wash hair longer than your shoulders?” Nan asked. “Most of my clan either kept their hair always in braids, or trimmed it regularly.”</p><p>“And you enjoyed being an anomaly.”</p><p>“Sometimes,” she admitted. “I would be regardless, so it… it gave me control. If things were going poorly, an argument with the Keeper or my trainer, at least I could go downstream and douse my hair in some oils.”</p><p>“I’ll be sure to send you gifts after I return home,” he said. “Southerners have no sense for proper hair care.”</p><p>Nan let herself have a laugh at this. “I’m sad to see you go almost as much as I am to see you endure another moment with the Orlesians.”</p><p>Dorian sighed, somewhat pensively though his voice retained its lightness. “I promise that even once I’m back in Tevinter, you won’t be rid of me so easily. I have some thoughts about that.” </p><p>“I would love to hear them.”</p><p>“Later, perhaps. I want it to be a surprise.”</p><p>She chuckled. “All right, have it your way.”</p><p>He smiled and a small bout of silence fell over them. Nan remained still unless otherwise instructed so that Dorian could fix her. </p><p>She was going to miss this. Not the haircut, but just being with Dorian. They had grown so close since meeting during the attack on Haven. They were the sort of friends who could sit on opposite sides of a couch with their own work and not have to fill the silence with empty words. She loved that. She wished that she could hold onto that forever. </p><p>“All right,” Dorian said. “I’ve done what I can. Hopefully it won’t look too strange while it grows back out.”</p><p>Nan ran her hand over her head. Her breath caught in her throat and once again the reality of it hit her. She shook slightly, and not from the night air. Dorian put his arms around her and pulled her in, not caring about the damp that clung to her tunic. Nan put her arms around his waist and buried herself in his chest as she choked on the sob that finally broke through her closed throat. He soothed her as she broke down, cradling her head and rubbing little circles on her back. </p><p>“You’re okay,” he said hushedly, “It’s okay.”</p><p>“I- I feel so stupid,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “It’s just hair.”</p><p>Dorian shook his head. “No, Nan. It’s not just hair. And you’re allowed to mourn its loss.”</p><p>She clutched at the straps on his coat, gripping them tight as she forced herself to breathe easier. For another couple of minutes the two friends held each other. When the shaking subsided and she could speak without interruption, Dorian kissed the top of her head and let her go. </p><p>“Come on,” he began, putting the razor back into his bottomless bag. “Rinse up, you won’t want to get a splinter in your sleep.”</p><p>“Got a hair splinter while working with the halla, once,” Nan reminisced, kneeling at the edge of the water. “Wedged well into the arch of my foot, very nearly made me consider wearing shoes.”</p><p>Dorian seethed in sympathy, watching her carefully. “Did I ever tell you about the time I singed off all of my facial hair?” </p><p>Nan’s eyes widened and she shook her head as she pulled off her tunic and shook it under the water’s surface, careful to avoid getting sand caught in it. “All of it?”</p><p>“Unfortunately. It was a careless mistake, mixing some volatile potions with a researcher,” he said. “I’d been drinking the night before, and I cannot recommend doing delicate work while hungover. I grabbed the wrong bottle and pwoof!” Dorian gesticulated with his hands, mimicking an explosion. “Combusted right in my face, took my eyebrows and mustache with it.”</p><p>Nan couldn’t help laughing. “Oh, you poor soul.”</p><p>“My mentor at the time was absolutely delighted by it. The potential profit he could make! Wanted me to recreate the reaction, all the while I was feeling like a fool.”</p><p>“Were you able to recreate it?”</p><p>“Alas,” Dorian said, waiting for her. “In the commotion I broke a few of the vials. We never were able to figure out what I’d done.”</p><p>“Forgive me for saying so,” Nan said as she wrung out the tunic and slipped into it, grabbing her gear while she was at it. “But I think it was for the best.”</p><p>“I think it would have been fantastic!” He grinned at Nan as she gave him an incredulous look. “All of the magisters in Minrathous finding themselves without facial hair? I think it would have lightened the mood a little bit.”</p><p>Nan laughed brightly at the absurdity while they walked. “Well, when you put it that way.”</p><p>Dorian grinned at her and put a hand on her shoulder. Nan knew he was feeling some pride over being the first to bring her mood back up after the evening’s events. She leaned into him and smiled, just enjoying the time she could spend with him.</p><p>The Bull was the first to greet them when they returned. Sera was the first to comment.</p><p>“It’s all gone!” she said bluntly, coming over to muss Nan’s hair. Nan’s face scrunched up as Sera played with the layers that at their longest weren’t more than a few inches. “You have so much more face."</p><p>“Yeah,” Nan said, resigned before trying to put a smile back on. She dropped her gear on a blanket laid out on the ground. “But we did good tonight. I think that the University will be glad to continue their work unimpeded.”</p><p>Sera giggled. “Hehe yeah, we killed that dragon good.”</p><p>“You always find the best fights, Kadan,” Bull chimed in, smiling fondly at her.</p><p>Nan felt warm inside as she fidgeted with her dragon tooth, its match hanging from the leather cord about her partner’s neck and resting on his bare chest.</p><p>“Come on,” he beckoned to them. “I’ve got food and drinks ready.”</p><p>The four gathered around the fire. Nan draped herself on Bull’s thighs, looking up at him and enjoying seeing his form framed by the night sky. For a while they all existed together, telling jokes or even singing some tavern song they didn't know all the lyrics to. Nan cherished this evening, even if a part of her had been lost to the dragon. </p><p>Eventually, the fire died down and the burning desert roots were turned to embers. Sera was the first to go to her tent. Dorian followed soon after. Nan by then had made Bull's crossed legs her place to sit, her partner leaning into his hands behind him. She smiled up at him as one came to brush a now dried piece of hair from her forehead. His index finger traced the deep violet of her vallaslin, first her on her forehead and then her chin.</p><p>"I'm sorry about your hair," he said, the hand falling away. It was earnest. He probably knew as well as Dorian what hair could mean to a person, if only from the eyes of a spy.</p><p>Nan sighed, feeling that pang in her chest but not letting it take over as it had. "I'll grow it back. Maybe I’ll even grow to like this.”</p><p>He carded through her hair and she leaned into his touch. She smirked as his fingers were unable to grab hold of the shortened strands. “I’ll admit I’m biased.”</p><p>She grinned at him. “I bet you are.”</p><p>“As long as you’re okay,” he said, gauging her reaction. </p><p>Nan met his gaze for a brief moment before looking away, considering. Bull brushed away some of the strands from her forehead, just taking the moment to be delicate with her. A soft smile pulled at her mouth and she watched him lay down, silently asking her to come to bed with him. “No,” she said finally, sighing a little. She leaned over to kiss him before nestling in against his side. “But I will be.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Nan is my canon Inquisitor and in many of my pre-Trespasser fics, I bring up that she lost her long hair as a way to explain her modded hair not carrying over to the DLC. Very recently, I had a mishap while bleaching my own hair. I've been doing my own hair for the last 2 years with no issue until now. This time I managed to fry away all of my processed hair, leaving me with about 5/8ths inches left. It feels ridiculous to cry over hair, but especially as a trans nonbinary person, it's something very precious to me. So this oneshot was mostly written to find my own catharsis. </p><p>In any case, thank you for reading. Stay safe out there &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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